Friday, November 23, 2012

Giving 100%.... an unwise thing to do

I can imagine many eyebrows being raised at the title of this post. I mean seriously... isn't the notion of giving our women 100% of ourselves, the thing we submissive men fantasize about all the time? But that's the funny thing about fantasies... sometimes they're best enjoyed as exactly that. Reality has a way of changing things.

The thing that inspired this entry is a post I read on "I'm her's" recently. Maybe it was just a passing lament, but IH was feeling something missing in his FLR. He cooks, cleans, and attends to every need of his woman on a 24/7 basis. On it's surface, it looks like "sub man heaven", doesn't it? But as he put it: "I'm the cook... period. I'm in charge of laundry... period". And so on.

If all we submissive men needed was to devote every conscious action to the betterment of our women, we would all be perfectly content with stealth submission. But as we all know, stealth submission is not nearly enough for us to be fulfilled. Giving of oneself is all well and good, but we need to feel TAKEN in order to be truly happy.

So if you embark on an FLR with your partner, why is it unhealthy to give 100% of what you have 100% of the time? In a word: complacency.

Once both parties become accustomed to their new roles, what else is there to give? Where's the excitement? Where's the thrill of pursuit and capture? Where's the sublime bliss of surrendering to feminine charms wrapped in cloak of confident dominance? I feel that a FLR will be much healthier if the man assumes a portion of the household duties, but not ALL of them. Under such an arrangement, the man never really knows what his domme will be telling him to do, or when she'll be telling him. But one thing is certain... she WILL be telling him. This ever present element of uncertainty adds spice to a relationship and prevents things from becoming mundane.

I also think that it's a good thing if the domme in the relationship doesn't loose sight of just how good she has it, with the ownership of a personal servant. By sometimes operating the washing machine, stove and vacuum cleaner, she's reminded of the benefits of having a man who is willing to do such tasks for her, and will hopefully keep her attuned to the reason he's doing all this in the first place.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

An Example of Genuine Punishment

I think that no matter which end of the whip one might prefer, there are many times when "punishments" can be contrived things. Sometimes the submissive might try to provoke a reaction by being intentionally bratty, other times the dominant might purposefully find fault in something just to have the "excuse" to exert their authority in severe style. To me, there is nothing wrong with this, as long as both participants are aware of the unspoken rules. My mistress and I engage in this all the time, and it's fun for both parties.

But last night was different.

My queen was taping 2 shows at the same time on our DVR so we had to watch something else live in the next room. It was a political program that we both enjoy. When my favorite commentator went to weigh in on an issue, my mistress was speaking to me about some other subject.

Normally this would be no problem at all, as all one has to do is hit the pause button, but to paraphrase the old E.F. Hutton commercial: When Charles Krauthammer speaks, I just HAVE to listen, so I basically shushed her. Not in a mean way, mind you. I just raised my hand and said "one sec hon, I want to hear this". 

Huge mistake.

She said nothing (she loves Charles too BTW), but when the next commercial came on, she muted the TV and said in a firm voice: "Get out the swatch and assume the position" ("swatch" is her nickname for her cane). I did as I was told, stripped, and bent over at the foot of the bed, profusely apologizing with every move.

Funny thing, apologies. It seems the more sincerely they are made, the more they go unheeded. In fact, I think they make her MORE annoyed. Anyway, true to form, she swung so hard that the first stroke hit me in my lower back, right on the bone. Normally, the first few I can bear, but this was a whole new kind of pain, and I involuntarily shot up like a rocket and let out a prolonged wail. 

Through the fog of my slowly receding agony, I could hear her laughing out loud. It turned out she literally broke the cane with that stroke. It snapped off about 5 inches from the end, at one of the "knuckles". This gave me about 30 seconds to compose myself as she reveled in her mirth. I was then persuaded with a shove of her hand to resume my place, where she delivered another 5 strokes, each one harder than the last. Mercifully, she found her mark for these blows, no doubt because of her now shorter (and more controllable) implement.

The entire thing took less than 2 minutes and we were cuddling on the bed once again even before the program resumed. It was hard for me to focus on it though. Not from the pain, as I was already over that by now. What kept my mind whirring was I couldn't stop thinking how this is EXACTLY the sort of D/s relationship I crave. One where she looks upon it like her birthright that I serve her precicely as she wishes, and where it's as natural as breathing that she would beat me without mercy if I slip up even a little.

The entire episode was devoid of any psychological dance, game, or pretense. There was no "tacit topping" of any kind. She saw behavior she didn't like and she matter-of-factly punished me as severely as she could. The suffering she inflicted made me genuinely sorry for my offense and eager to show her that I learned my lesson. This was D/s as it should be, where everybody wins.

Oh.... something else she did... she made me love her, just a little bit more.