Saturday, September 7, 2013

Wanna get in great shape??? Become a slave to a personal trainer!

Kale... cane... crop... these are the various means of punishment my mistress wife has employed since I became her slave, but a couple of months ago, a very bright light bulb went off above her beautiful head and it shows no signs of dimming.

As I believe I've mentioned at some point, my wife is group fitness instructor and certified personal trainer. She's tough... very tough (think Jillian of "Biggest Loser" fame). In fact, having taken her spin class in the past, I can attest that her students actually call her "The Spin Nazi"... and for good reason.

So one day, not too long ago, I had a minor infraction. This would normally be met with a "Let me know when you're ready" declaration  (with "ready" meaning me fully naked, elbows on the bathroom vanity, and riding crop laid out for easy access). But this time she simply declared "gimme 20".

"Huh??? 20???"

"Yeah, 20... on the ground, NOW".

So I hit the deck and belted out 20 quick pushups. If you've been with me from the start, you already know that she has me on a daily weight lifting regimen, so they weren't too tough, but this new found punishment technique pleased her to no end.

The following day I was told to count as I did my pushups, and not long after that I was ordered to say: "Mistress" between each count for added emphasis. The beauty of this (and believe me, "beauty" is truly in the eye of the beholder in this case), is it requires nearly zero effort on her part (unless you consider"effort" snapping ones fingers and saying "twenty"), and can be done at any time at any place with total discression.

Usually she limits it to twenty or thrity, but occasionally if I really piss her off and she has no problem with upping the ante. In cases like this she'll usually hiss "FIFTY" between chenched teeth. That's about my limit, as I'm just about quivering at the 40 mark.

Keep in mind that these aren't your usual "cheater" pushups (you know... the kind that resemble pelvic thrusts more than anything else). All the way down (to a fists distance from the floor), and all the way up... and not overly fast either. To sacrifice form in order to save strength.... not a good idea. "Nope, that one didn't count".

Last night we were getting ready for bed and she was miffed that I was a little slow in getting her toothpaste on her toothbrush.

"Gimme 5" she said.

"Sweet! No problem!", I thought, thinking I was getting off easy... until I tried to come up after the first one and found her foot resting on my back!

1 comment:

  1. Jake, I like your wife's idea. It's not on par with making you eat your kale salad but it is fun to hear how she has chosen to mix her desire for fitness and impose that on you. You will benefit from it in the long run.

    So I knew this wrestling coach. Every day at the end of practice they did one push up. Now when doing a push up the up position was position 1, all the way down was position 4 and in between were positions 2 and 3. So the push up went like this.... 2, 3, 4,3,2,4,3,4,2,3,2,3, etc and with each change of position it was held for several seconds. The push up lasted until most were struggling and or failed. Then on Friday, the day before the meet, the push up went like this..... 4, 1 - just a simple push up. Maybe next time you get but 5 push ups in the bathroom, you will have the opportunity to have a push up like described above..... and indeed it sounds like you have with the pressure of her foot keeping you from returning to the start position. Enjoy!