Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Should a Domme be Obeyed ALL the Time???

In my last post, I touched on why it’s not a good idea for a domme to expect her submissive/slave to perform ALL tasks for her All the time. The point I was trying to get across, was it can make for a mundane existence for both parties and can lead to boredom and complacency.

Now I want to turn the conversation to a different direction. I think we can all agree that the sub/slave should obey his mistress when it comes to how he serves her on a day to day basis. I’m referring here, to all of the daily tasks she might impose on him ranging from laundry, to cleaning, to how she is to be addressed. Let’s face it, if the sub/slave can’t agree to live under her control in these areas, then there is no D/s present, just occasional kinky play.

But what about more weighty matters? Is it right and proper for the domme to be allowed to make the final decision in ALL things that affect the couple as a whole? I think that there’s a tendency in the D/s community to view this issue through an “all or nothing” lens. The domme is always right… Period… end of story. While that mindset might be a fun thing to fantasize about, it’s not reality. Real life is a little more grey. 

Consider some examples, in no particular order…

Does she get 100% of the say when it comes the decor of the house?
Does she decide what kind of car you will drive?
Does she have all the say on how savings will be invested?
When purchasing a new home, is it all her decision?
Does she have the final word on what school the children will attend?
Who decides where vacations are to be spent?
Is it right that all your joint assets are in her name?

Some of these are no brainers. Hey, if she really likes decorating and the guy doesn’t care, let her have at it. But when it comes to financial matters it’s a different story. Being dominant may be directly proportional to getting your own way, but there is NO correlation to brain power. Every woman, no matter how dominant they may be, is still human. And all humans make mistakes.

That’s the practical argument for having more parity in a D/s relationship, and I think it’s pretty irrefutable. As to the larger philosophical point, each couple needs to find their own way, but I’ll close with this final word…

Just because a man has agreed to serve his woman for life, it does NOT give him the obligation to surrender everything. Be your woman’s slave, to be sure, but you still have a right to be her PARTNER too!


  1. Jake, I've missed your posts. I've missed your comments on blogs. I hope you are well. I was thinking about you as one of those 'intelligent and well spoken subs' whom I've enjoyed reading your thoughts. Just wanted you to know you were missed in the D/s blog world. Take care and stay well.

  2. hello. i'm a collared slave to my Queen wife and I struggle with this as well. I think we should totally submit to our Queens but that doesn't make it easy. Maybe I won't agree with her decision but my Queen is pretty patient and I always come around in the end. Once a week I'm allowed to voice my concerns and she listens and usually she'll think it over before letting me know her decision. Once her final word has been made I accept it or I have the option of ending my submission to her. Thankfully, we both enjoy the current roles so we don't "push" each others limits often.